I, like others who have written for this piece, am a cradle Catholic. I was brought up and educated in our faith but because my father was a practising Anglican, I also had the opportunity to go to his church and ‘compare and contrast’. No matter, I have always believed that Catholicism is right for me. Its tenets, its surety, the fact that God is always there for me, no matter what.

I love the ritual, what friends call bells and smells; I love the rules and stability. I love most of all the belief, that no matter what I do my God loves me. I might stray off the beaten track or feel cross at times but God is always there for me. The Catholic church is my home.

Most of my working life has been spent abroad and I have always found that my church, no matter in what strange country I have found myself, was there for me. It does not matter where you go, my Church is there – God’s presence is more powerful than anything. It matters not what language you speak, God is there to give love and support and, for me, so many friends I have made from our common belief in our Catholic faith (and three Catholic god-children by the way). When finding myself in some weird country far from home, I always found a church where I could seek solace and friendship in occasionally tricky times. When friends were very ill and struggling and they did not believe, I prayed and prayed and they lived. They did not believe but I did and they lived – it was a struggle but God gave them life.

I believe because I know that, good times or bad, God is here for me. And not only God but his Blessed Mother:

Remember, O most loving Virgin Mary, that it is a thing unheard of that anyone ever had recourse to your protection, implored your help or sought your intercession and was left forsaken.

I believe in my God, who will support me and be with me, no matter what. I do not fear death, which must come to us all, because I believe that I will go to and live with God. I believe in the comfort and peace that will bring.

Lockdown was difficult because I missed the ritual, the normality and I so missed Communion but I have had the time to reflect, pray, to re-learn so many childhood prayers which were then rote but now mean so much more. The Rosary has been spiritual food; as have the live- streamed Masses. I still found my God and I felt blessed.

But nothing better than re-opening St Gabriel’s for private prayer – and then last weekend, we went to Mass for the first time in very many months. And I went home.

I believe because my faith is my home. It is where I live. And I thank God for it and for my Father and his Son, my saviours. They have invited me into their house and I accept their invitation with hope, not fear. And with the certainty that I will eventually be with God in his house.

When Fr Alan asked to write a piece for the “I Believe” series I must admit I was unsure what I would write as I have only been formally accepted into the Catholic faith two years ago. So instead I thought I’d write about what lead me here in the first place.

I grew up going to my local Anglican church, was confirmed and then became an altar server. During this time, I was very close to my maternal grandmother and she used to tell me stories and superstitions that she had learned from her Irish Catholic mother. I particularly liked her antique rosary so she gave it to me before she died. I never considered Catholicism as a path to take though. As I got older I started to become disillusioned with the church and at around 1990 when “new age” ideas were becoming popular I started looking into them. I had a chat with our vicar who told me in no uncertain terms that there was no way crystals, etc had a place in the life of a church goer, so I left.

I then spent the next 10 years or so studying modern druidism, paganism (of various flavours) and British folk traditions and beliefs. Still something was missing though and none of them really gelled with me. Around 2000 I started an Open University degree in religion and art and as part of that I became interested in Buddhism. This then lead to me looking deeper into Zen Buddhism and so I then spent time on retreats at the main monastery and various retreat centres. I liked the teachings of Buddhism as it was more of a philosophy rather than a religion but still there was something missing for me and throughout all my searching different belief systems I had still retained a belief in God.

Anyway, in that time I had got married, divorced and then engaged again. My Catholic Father in Law to be stipulated that the wedding had to be in a church, so due to the timescales involved in trying to get an annulment we compromised on an Anglican ceremony. The vicar requested that we joined the local church in Southwater and although I was hesitant it was very much like returning to my parents’ church, but in a good way – less judgemental. We fitted in but there was still something that niggled at me. I think it was the teaching that you could effectively be as bad in life as you wanted but as long as you are sorry before you died then you are guaranteed a place in Heaven. I also didn’t like the lack of consistency between different churches in the Anglican Tradition. I’m not a “happy clappy” person and found these kinds of services off-putting.

We then moved to Billingshurst and I found the old rosary amongst all my stuff which lead me to suggesting that we go along to St Gabriel’s “just to see what it’s like”. I loved it straight away. The fact that you can go to any Mass anywhere in the world and it’s the same, the Catechism, the richness of teaching outside of the Bible, the veneration of Mary, the Saints, everything made sense to me and I’ve not felt any need to search outside for anything else as it’s all here. Eventually my annulment was granted; I could get our marriage convalidated and then be fully accepted into the Church. I like to think it was Great Granny Kennedy looking over me and giving me a gentle prod via her rosary that lead me to where I am now!

If I had to sum up what I believe I think this phrase I heard in Mass sums it up nicely –
“Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est” – “wherever you find charity and love, that’s where God is”.

I am a “cradle Catholic”, which I view as both an advantage and a disadvantage. It is an advantage because Catholicism in the form of my belief that Jesus died so that we could be redeemed has always been there as a rock. There was a lot of death in my family in my childhood and when my Father died I distinctly remember aged twelve making that all important “leap of faith” believing that I would be reunited with him in the loving embrace of God the Father in heaven someday…. the alternative was too hard to contemplate. The act of praying, whether in daily thanksgiving, asking for forgiveness or for help for those in need seemed logical and was strongly encouraged by the nuns who educated me. That habit has stuck, and I find myself responding to others’ misfortunes with “I shall pray for X or Y” because it brings ME comfort and strength. People are generally too polite to question my belief in the power of prayer, so that is where the disadvantage of being a “cradle Catholic” comes in: has it all been too easy accepting Catholicism from an early age?

On reflection, while my faith is simple it is rooted in my willingness to believe and embrace the teachings of the Catholic Church, receive the sacraments to deepen my faith and participate in the Communion of the Church by “walking the talk” of Jesus through trying to follow his example. I cannot imagine life without access to the sacraments of the Catholic Church as they are pivotal to maintaining and deepening my relationship with God. I need to be able to praise him and thank him in communion with others. I admit to being something of a traditionalist and so I cherish the fact that the clear instructions that Jesus gave the Apostles on how to administer and receive each of the sacraments are still being followed by Catholic priests today all over the world. That sense of the continuity of the Catholic Church through centuries, that “rock” Jesus entrusted Peter to become that many have laid down their lives to protect is hugely comforting and symbolic.

Turning from the universal Church, at a more local level I enjoy being part of a smaller Catholic Community here in Billingshurst led with vision by Father Alan. In these worryingly uncertain times I turn to the Catholic Church for hope. Cardinal Hume wrote “The great gift of Easter is hope – Christian hope which makes us have that confidence in God, in his ultimate triumph, and in his goodness and love, which nothing can shake.” God’s Love, the prospect of salvation through the resurrection, forgiveness of my sins, hope … it is all there for us Catholics, so I am glad I was born a “cradle Catholic” after all.

I believe in the Holy Catholic Church, the backbone of my faith, which through its sacraments, liturgies and congregation guides me in my spiritual journey. I believe that my life is a wonderful gift from God, our father. Every precious moment that I breathe is an opportunity to feel and appreciate the creator’s love for me. From the people close to me to distant stars, all are his beautiful creations, which witness his immense love for me. Like him, we are spiritual beings, having invisible souls with our visible earthly bodies. The Church provides me with the essential support for my spiritual life, shielding me from the vain distractions of the world.

I believe in Jesus Christ, the only son of God the father, through whom God came to live among us and to guide us on how to live our lives in fullness as God intended for his children at the time of creation. In today’s world, our senses are bombarded with distractions in the form of wealth, career, power, comfort, how we look etc which occupies most of our time and energy thereby misleading us to live shallow, meaningless lives. Also, in this pursuit of material things, we are blind-walking ourselves into misery and suffering, as Christ mentions in the gospels “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?” Christ by his life, teachings, death and resurrection showed us the way to lead our lives to uncover the purpose, value and meaning in our lives. Regular attendance of church services helps me glue on to a life in Christ and grow spiritually.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the giver of life. By the sacrament of Baptism, I received the gift of Holy Spirit, who is constantly helping me in coming closer to God. Even with my preoccupation with worldly things, he at times opens my eyes to recognize God and his grace that surrounds me in my everyday life and also at times of difficulties and suffering, he comes to my help to console and comfort me in unexplainable personal and unique ways.

I believe in the communion of saints, who by their exemplary lives proved the truth in the Holy Catholic Church’s teachings. Every celebration of Eucharist reminds me of how the lives of ordinary men were transformed by the Holy Spirit into lives of immense value, who felt God’s presence, love and peace at all stages of their lives and most importantly at the end of their earthly lives. The transformation of Saint Peter from a cowardly man who denied Christ at the time of his death, into a brave man, who even after knowing the deadly consequences to his life, walked into the heart of the Roman Empire that persecuted his master. Also we see in the life of Saint Paul, who was ruthless in his career ambition of persecuting Christians, was transformed into an enlightened follower of Christ, who considered that all his previous learning and achievements to be worthless when compared to his new life of Christ living in him.

The Catholic mother church is an important part of me. It has been the guiding light for generations of Christians and it always has its doors open for me like the house of the father to his prodigal son.